Lyrics from DOT'S ENTERTAINMENT (Episode H2)
by Nicholas Hollander
ALW = Andy Lloud WebbyCats of Phantom Boulevard (parody of ? from ?)
Singers: We are Cats of Phantom Boulevard
Oh wow.
Now singing
Now dancing
Now ticket sales advancing.
Woman : We're the Cats of Phantom Boulevard
Singers: The Cats of Phantom Boulevard
Woman : Meow.
---
Dental Avenue
Dot : I came in here and took a seat
He says, "Don't eat candy; that is sweet"
I said to him, "My heart is breaking."
I chewed some gum and that's the truth
It pulled the filling from a tooth
And now I feel my back teeth aching.
Dental avenue
Painful avenue
Root canal is only the beginning.
Toothless avenue
Rootless avenue
And only my dentist will be grinning.
ALW : What? That's not in the script!
Take a Nap Instead
Yakko: Snoring, boring
The play is confusing
Lay back, way back
Soon I will be snoozing
Think I need a break
'Cause this feeling I can't shake
And I'll have to go and take a nap instead.
Yakko: Well, my job here is done!
ALW : What? Next scene! No!!!
Snacktime
Wakko: Snacktime
Got a nosh in the midnight
The time is right for a light bite
Got to eat something tonight.
A cookie
A sandwich
A cruller
Or limburger cheese
No more fish balls
If you please! (burp)
Now
's the time to dine!
ALW : No! Just do it the way I wrote it!
Dough, Some Cash
Dot : Dough, some cash -- a wad of cash
Yakko: Ray, a guy who fixes cars.
Wakko: Me, the one who takes out the trash
YW+D : Far, the distance to the stars.
Yakko: So, a word that goes with "well"
Dot : LA, a city where we dwell
Wakko: Tea, with honey it tastes swell
Y+W : And that brings us back to...
Dot : ...Dough!
ALW : No! That's not even my song! You terrible children!
You're ruining my play!
Don't Shout At Us, Mr Webby
YW+D : Don't shout at us, Mr Webby
Because your show's a floppo.
When your plays stink
You blame the actors.
You know what we think?
There are other factors.
Like the playwright
Needs to rewrite.
And the libretto
Needs a stiletto.
And the entire book
Needs a new cook.
If you composed it
Then you dispose it!
Lyrics from VALUABLE LESSON (Episode H2)
by Paul Rugg
(parody of the Smurfs)
Singers: In the heart of a meadow
In this tall patch of grass
Live the cute and fuzzy Snugglers
In their huts made of glass.
Grandpa: (spoken) And that's why we eat dirt.
Kids : Ohhh...
Boy : Grandpazoid Snuggler, why do we get angry?
Grandpa: Now, that's a snuggly question. Let's talk at length about anger.
Grandpa: We get angry when we're upset
We get angry when we're sad
We get angry when we're selfish
We get angry when we're bad.
PANAMA CANAL (Episode H5)
Music traditional (Erie Canal). Lyrics by John P. McCann.
Yakko: Got a tramp steamer
My ship's called Hal
Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal
Yakko: Got a cargo of sodas
They are low-cal
Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal
Yakko: Sailing 'cross
The Caribbean Sea
To the Pacific in a jiffy
Through Panama
But not on land
I'd look silly with my ship in the sand
Crew : Yo, Hal!
Try the Canal
Yo, Hal!
The Canal is your pal
You can sail a cargo ship
From sea to shining sea
Through the Panama Canal
For a nominal fee
Yakko: You enter a lock
It's a ship corral
Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal
Yakko: You pay your money
Then get a decal
Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal
Yakko: You cross the locks
They number three
Full of water for you and me
100 feet wide
41 feet deep
Water enough to drench a sheep
Crew : High lock
Up goes the ship
Low lock
The ship takes a dip
First they raise the water level
Then lower it again
'Cross the Panama Canal
It's really zen
Yakko: We passed the locks
With good morale
Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal
Yakko: The crew yells out
Crew : "Thank you, Hal!"
40 miles on the Panama Canal
Yakko: You're welcome, men
Wasn't that fun?
40 miles
Our voyage is done
From Colón
Now past Balboa
Adiós, Panama
So long; aloha
Transcribed by David Orozco
HELLO NURSE (Episode H5)
Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel.
Dot : Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who's the most gorgeous girl of all?
Y+W : Helloooo Nurse!
Dot : Grrr...
Wakko: She's the woman of the year
Independent, a career
There's not a thing that she couldn't do.
Oh, she's alert, she's aware
She's got legs like Astaire
And a hundred-fifty-seven I.Q.
She has several Ph.Ds
Speaks fluent Japanese
And her shoes will always match with her purse.
Whatever street she's walking down
Everybody turns around
And says...
Y+W : ...Helloooo Nurse!
Wakko: She likes cheese and pepperoni
Won a Pulitzer and a Tony
She played the leading role in King Lear.
She never drinks, she never smokes
She never laughs at dirty jokes
She was ambassador to China last year.
Oh, she's politically correct
She'd never call collect
She plays Chopin and she doesn't rehearse.
And when she's walking by
I give a little sigh
And shout...
Y+W : ...Helloooo Nurse!
Wakko: She gets her math equations right
She reads Tolstoy every night
She won the Nobel Prize in physics, it's true.
She drives a shiny new Corvette
Sings opera at the Met
And volunteers her time at the zoo.
Oh, she won a scholarship to Yale
Got a Fulbright in the mail
And took a two-year junior college degree.
She's manna sent from heaven
Too bad I'm only seven
'Cause, Hello Nurse, I wish you'd take care of me!
Y+W : If she's not everything that we've said
Then may lightning strike us dead
(rumble, zap!)
Helloooo Nurse!
Mwah!
BALLAD OF MAGELLAN (Episode H5)
Music traditional (Get Along, Little Dogeys).
Lyrics by Paul Rugg and John P. McCann.
Yakko: There once was a man
His name was Magellan
A Portuguese skipper
The girls found him cute
He sailed with five ships
To find the East Indies
Then come back to Spain
With a bounty of loot
YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Oh happy Magellan
Starting your journey
With hardly a care
Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Strong, brave Magellan
You'll find the East Indies
You just don't know where
Yakko: They crossed the Atlantic
And spotted a country
Magellan said
Mglln: It's the East Indies at last!
Yakko: But then someone shouted
Wakko: Hey, that's Argentina!
Yakko: Magellan got cranky
And chopped down the mast
YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Settle down, Magellan
Put down that axe
There's no time to despair
Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Keep trying, Magellan
You'll find the East Indies
You just don't know where
Yakko: A great storm arose
In the mighty Pacific
The five little ships
Were diminished to three
At last land was sighted
Magellan was happy
But then someone shouted
Dot : Hey, that's Chile!
YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Cheer up, Magellan
Check out your map
And don't tear out your hair
Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Keep trying, Magellan
You'll find the East Indies
You just don't know where
Yakko: It took them five months
But they crossed the Pacific
They spotted a land
That was dotted with palms
Magellan proclaimed
Mglln: Yes! That's the East Indies!
Yakko: But then someone shouted
Wakko: Hey, I think that's Guam!
YW+D : Ay-yi-yi-yi
Oops, Magellan
Your fun little journey's
Become a nightmare
Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Keep trying, Magellan
You'll find the East Indies
You just don't know where
Yakko: They sailed due west
To the Philippine Islands
Magellan was pleased
As the natives drew near
But then someone shouted
YW+D : I think they're attacking!
Yakko: Magellan said...
Mglln: ...What?
Yakko: And got hit by a spear
YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Farewell, Magellan
You almost made it
It's really not fair
Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Oh, ghost of Magellan
The East Indies islands
Were right over there.
Transcribed by David Orozco