MIGHTY WAKKO AT THE BAT (Episode 85)
by Randy Rogel
Parody of Casey at the Bat by Ernest Lawrence Thayer
Yakko : The outlook wasn't brilliant
For the Warner team that day
The championship was almost done
With one game left to play.
The final inning found our team
In something of a bind
Our last time up to bat
And we were still one run behind.
In the dugout everybody watched
As Coach Plotz threw a fit
Plotz : We're going to lose this game
Unless somebody gets a hit!
Yakko : And then he spoke those words
That make a baseball team afraid
Plotz : If we don't win this game today
Then no one's getting paid!
Yakko : They all jumped up and rallied
With a hearty rousing shout
Then Scratchansniff went up to bat
And immediately struck out.
UmpireH: Yer out!
DrSns : Awwh...
Yakko : Pesto batted next
And nailed a grounder deep and wide
He made it down the base line
But they tagged him in the slide.
Umpire1: Yer out!
Pesto : What are you -- out of your mind? I was safe by a mile!
Umpire1: I said yer out!
Pesto : Out, huh? I'll show ya out! Here's yer out!
Bobby : Hey! What's the matter with you? You crazy or what?
Pesto : I was safe, I tell ya! Safe! Let go! Get yer wings offa me!
Let me at 'em! Let me at 'em!
Yakko : The Warner fans fell silent
For they knew that that was that
They were losing; they had two men out
And one time left at bat.
It was hopeless; it was tragic
It was somber; it was tense
The only way out now
Would be to hit it past the fence.
And then a cry went up
As all the fans began to shout
They could not believe their luck
When they saw *him* walking out.
The homerun king whose monster swing
Could hit that ball so hard
Exactly what they needed now
Here came Ralph the Guard!
There was ease in Ralph's whole manner
As he strode up to the plate
He saw the crowd, lightly bowed
Then stood up nice and straight.
He waved as they applauded
And he smiled a little grin
Then he turned and faced the pitcher
And he signaled, "Let's begin."
The pitcher snarled in hate
And ground the ball into his hip
Ralph clutched the bat intensely
In a savage, crushing grip.
He shot a glance, he took a stance
To knock that baseball dead
The ball flew straight right towards the plate
And beaned him in the head.
"No!" cried the maddened crowd
As they dragged him off the field
That was it; without a hit
The Warners' fate was sealed.
If only they had had a chance
But now it was too late
But then a tiny figure
Started walking towards the plate.
At first the crowd was silent
Then they gave a startled gasp
It seemed hopeless now to think
The game could still be in their grasp.
They stared, and someone shouted
Kid : Will you take a look at that!
Yakko : For little Wakko Warner
Was advancing to the bat.
The bat was kind of heavy
And he dragged it on the ground
And some laughter started coming
From atop the pitcher's mound.
Pitcher: Look at that! It's just a kid!
1stBase: Hey! Whatcha gonna do?
Yakko : And the people in the bleachers
They all started laughing too.
While they howled in wild hysterics
Which then grew to a feverish state
Little Wakko Warner
Dragged his bat up to the plate.
He stood there like a tiny fixture
Only three feet tall
The players jeered; the pitcher sneered
And then he hurled the ball.
It sped on past, lightning fast
Then Wakko got a hit
The ball went up, and up and up
And through the sky it split...
And then it started dropping
Toward the center fielder's mitt.
Plotz : Oh, please don't let them catch it!
Yakko : Plotz was pounding on the wall
No use, though; the fielders all
Were right beneath the ball.
And they'd have caught it too
Except there came a sudden noise
From Minerva Mink and Hello Nurse
Who both said,
M+N : Howdy, boys!
Yakko : They turned to look; their bodies shook
Their tongues came wagging down
And amidst it all, they missed the ball
Which landed on the ground.
Wakko got to base
And he was not the only one
For Skippy crossed the plate at home
And scored the tying run.
Wakko tagged at second
Then made his way to third
And the cheering of the crowd
Was like a thing you've never heard.
Wakko rounded third for home
The game could now be won
But he'd have to cross the plate at home
To score the winning run.
The center fielder heaved the ball
The outcome still in doubt
Wakko would have to get there first
Or else they'd tag him out.
The catcher caught the ball
And turned to Wakko to collide
Wakko Warner hit the dirt
And went into a slide!
The dirt, it flew; the rocks did too
And when it all was done
They waited for the dust to clear
To see which side had won.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land
The sun is shining bright
The band is playing somewhere
And somewhere, hearts are light.
And somewhere, men are laughing
And somewhere, children shout
But there is no joy in Burbank
'Cause the umpire said,
UmpireH: You're out!
(Wakko pops up from under the plate)
Wakko : Hello!
UmpireH: You're safe!
Catcher: What?!
(Crowd cheers; team lifts Wakko)
Wakko : Don't you just love a happy ending?
(Team carries Wakko away)
Mindy : OK, I love you! Bye bye!
Lyrics from FROM BURBANK WITH LOVE (Episode 87)
by John P. McCann
Parody of Diamonds are Forever (?)
Singer: Big fat bars of gold are forever
Chorus: Forever!
Singer: Another parody that's not too clever
Chorus: Clever!
Singer: Will we make up a new plot? Never!
'Cause big fat bars of gold are forever!
WHEN YOU'RE TRAVELING... (Episode 87)
by Randy Rogel
Announcer: And now, Yakko Warner sings about time.
Yakko: When you're traveling from Nantucket
Through Chicago to Saint Paul
And you're standing in an airport
And you look upon the wall
There's a clock for every city
And a different time for all
From Asia through Malaysia to Peru.
Did you ever wonder why
That when it's ten o'clock in Maine
At precisely the same moment
It is three a.m. in Spain?
When it's breakfast time in Rome
They're having lunch in the Ukraine
And it's supper up in upper Katmandu.
If the Earth were spinning faster
As the sun is going past 'er
Then a day would only be an hour long.
And school when they begin it
Would only last a minute
Before everybody has to run along.
W+D : All right!
Yakko: If the Earth were the planet
That was closest to the sun
A year would be much shorter
And you'd have a lot of fun
'Cause by the time you were in first grade
You'd be over twenty-one
And you'd live to be nine hundred three or four.
Time is relative, dependent
You can save it, you can spend it
Doing things you like to do or learning how.
Wakko: You can't see it, you can't taste it
Dot : But you certainly can waste it
Yakko: Which is really what we're doing here right now.
The International Date Line's
An imaginary cleft
Today is on the right side
And tomorrow's on the left
So when you cross it do you then arrive
The day before you left?
That's how it'd work; it's quite berserk, you see.
So if you were born in China
While I'm born in Carolina
Well then you're a day ahead of me, you see.
So the way I've got it reckoned
If we're born in the same second
Then why should you be a day older than me? *
But it really is no miracle
That difference in our birth
Because the world is spherical
That's why around the Earth
YW+D : There's always different times for Moscow
London, Boston, and Fort Worth
Yakko: And that's the way it's always gonna be.
So remember when you're traveling
From Nantucket to Saint Paul
In that airport as you're staring
At those clocks upon the wall
You should think about this song, my friend
And then you will recall
Wakko: That it was mildly amusing
Dot : But then totally confusing
YW+D : And we bet you wish we hadn't sung at all!
* - This line is, of course, wrong both in fact and grammar.
Excerpts from MINDY IN WONDERLAND (Episode 90)
by Nick DuBois
Rabbit: I'm tardy
I'm tardy
For the royal croquet party
No time to waste
I must make haste
I'm tardy to a party!
---
Hatter: You've ruined my tea!
Can I forgive you?
I guess so.
Instead of tea
We'll have espresso.
---
Mindy : Hi, Mister Log Guys! Whatcha doin'?
Dumb : I'm Tweedle Dumb.
Dumber: I'm Tweedle Dumber.
D+D : Together, we like lifting lumber.
---
Mindy : Heeere, fuzzy bunny!
Cat : Why look for a rabbit
When you can look for me?
But purr-haps I can help you
Now let me see.
Mindy : Funny kitty see fuzzy bunny?
Cat : He may have gone left
Or he may have gone right
But one thing is certain
He's gone out of sight.
(purr) Of all the mad people I happen to see
You are the nicest to stop by my tree.
(Mindy sees Rabbit)
Mindy : Fuzzy bunny!
(Mindy chases Rabbit. Buttons accidentally jumps on Cat while she's invisible.)
Cat : Reeeowwwow! You've stepped on my tail
You've ruined my day
There's no time to argue
For this you will pay!
---
Mindy : Hi, Mister Card Man! Whatcha doin'?
Card 1: Painting these white roses red.
Mindy : Why?
Card 1: Because if we don't, the Queen of Hearts will cut off our heads.
Mindy : Why?
Card 1: Because she's a mean, cruel, vicious, evil...
Queen : (in distance) Off with her head!
Card 2: The Queen! The Queen!
Card 1: ...wonderful, sweet, sensitive lady; that's why.