ANIMANIACS TRANSCRIPTIONS --- EPISODE #1 ======================================== NEWSREEL OF THE STARS --------------------- Animation: TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA LTD. NARRATOR: Newsreel of the Stars! Dateline Hollywood, 1930, the Warner Bros. Studio. Here at the studio's new animation department, the artists toil endlessly to come up with cartoon stars, ultimately creating three new characters -- the Warner Brothers and their Sister Dot. Y,W,D: [Leaping off animator's drawing board onto Hello Nurse (or maybe her great-grandmother)] Helllllllo, Nurse! NARRATOR: Unfortunately, the Warner kids were totally out of control. Y,W,D: Boingy! Boingy! Boingy! Boingy! NARRATOR: The trio ran amok throughout the studio ... until their capture. The Warners' films, which made absolutely no sense, were locked away in the studio vault, never to be released. As for the Warners themselves, they were locked away in the studio water-tower, also never to be released. Publicly, the studio has disavowed any knowledge of the Warners' existence, to this very day, -- when the Warners escaped! MAIN TITLE ---------- Music: RICHARD STONE Lyrics: TOM RUEGGER Director: RICH ARONS Animation: TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA LTD. "It's time for Animaniacs, And we're zany to the max! The whole song this transcript lacks; Why do you think we have FAQs? We're An-i-man-i, totally insan-ey, DOT: Here's the show's namey! Animaniacs!" DEZANITIZED ----------- By: PAUL RUGG Directors: RUSTY MILLS and DAVE MARSHALL Animation: WANG FILM PRODUCTIONS {Nobody knows the troubles I've seen} DR. S.: I suppose it would be wise to start at the very beginning, ja? SHRINK: Proceed. DR. S.: Ah....I was one of the most successful psycho-analysts in all of Hollywood. /Fifty years ago, I started work at Warner Bros. Ah -- Warner Bros.! Home to some of the biggest stars in Hollywood./ RALPH: Dah, good morning, Mr. Biggest Star in Hollywood! {Time-Goes-By-like music} BOGART: Morning, sweetheart! {Merrie Melodies theme} RALPH: Aaah, morning, Porky! PORKY: G-g-g-goo-g-g-m-m-mo-m-m-mo-m---! All right, all right!! Hello. DR. S.: /And when the stars had a problem, they came to me./ So, tell me more about these dreams you've been having, Mr. Reagan. {Hail to the Chief} REAGAN: Well, in my dreams I'm president of the United States. DR. S.: [Writes "Delusions of grandeur -- INCURABLE" on his pad] /For years, the biggest actors told me their problems. Their secrets! Their pain! Whoo! It was so much fun! He-hee! And then, just recently, I had just completed a delightfully intense session with Clint Eastwood, when ... IT happened! GUY: [Amid other screaming bystanders] Whadya suppose is going on up there? {Warners' theme} DR. S.: It was them -- the Warner Brothers! After years of being locked away in the water tower, they'd managed to escape!/ DOT: Did you miss us? DR. S.: I hardly even know you! Y & W: We're the Warner Brothers! DOT: And the Warner sister! Y,W,D: MMMMMWAH! DR. S.: Auuuh-ptooie! Ptooie! Blegh! ... Aiee! What do you want? YAKKO: We asked you first. DR. S.: Well, I want... -- Ghuh. No, you didn't! DOT: Well, we meant to! DR. S.: Do you know who I am? YAKKO: Dr. Otto Scratchansniff, world-famous psycho-analyst to the stars? DR. S.: Correct. YAKKO: I won, I won! Whaddid I win? DR. S.: Nothing. YAKKO: Say, what kind of game show is this? DR. S.: This isn't a game show! YAKKO: Boy, I'll say it isn't! Nobody wins anything! You'll be lucky to to be on the air for one week. DR. S.: Nurse! Nurse!!! NURSE: Yes, Dr. Scratchansniff? Y & W: [Panting] DR. S.: Get these kids out of here! Y & W: [Still panting] Hellllllloooo, Nurse!!! {Row, Row, Row Your Boat} DOT: Deeeeee-sgusting! NURSE: Why don't you cute little kids follow me? {Nobody knows the troubles I've seen} DR. S.: /After the Warner Brothers escaped, I was called in to see the Chairman of the Board of the Warner Bros. Studio./ PLOTZ: The Warner Brothers are wreaking havoc throughout this studio, Scratchansniff! And I won't have it!! In order for a studio to run efficiently, there must be order, calmness, control! The Warner Brothers have taken the calmness and replaced it with chaos! They're too zany, Scratchansniff! I haven't been this upset since we made "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead"! And I have chosen you to get the Warner Brothers under control! DR. S.: Why me? PLOTZ: Because you're a psychiatrist, dummy!! DR. S.: Oh. /And so I scheduled an appointment with the Warner Brothers. I'll never forget our first session./ NURSE: The Warner Brothers are here for their 3:00 appointment. You be good little boys. DOT: Boys! YAKKO: How're ya doin', Scratchie? DR. S.: I take umbrage at that! YAKKO: Oh, sure, take all the umbrage! Don't leave any for us! DR. S.: No, I mean I take offence. YAKKO: And you want our fence too? All right, take it. But that's all; we're tapped out. DR. S.: I think it's time we got down to business, ja? YAKKO: [To a rap beat] Now our first quarter figures are rea-lly low, As this-a bus-i-ness graph will hopefully show. DR. S.: What are you doing? YAKKO: We're getting dowwwwn -- to business! DR. S.: You always make the jokes. This is not good. No more jokes, ja? Jjjjj-a... Good. Now, plant yourselves on the couch there. {Calm-after-the-storm-theme from William Tell Overture} DR. S.: I said no more jokes! YAKKO: This isn't a joke. It's a visual gag. DR. S.: Well, no more gags, jokes, or monkey stuff! YAKKO: Define "monkey stuff". DR. S.: Kt -- the monkey stuff, the monkey stuff! You know, you walks around like a silly monkey, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-aah-aah-aah-aah, and you be all goofy like a monkey, that is the monkey stuff! WAKKO: Maybe you should see a p-sychiatrist. DR. S.: I AM a p-sych -- I mean, a psychiatrist! Mmmph! {Theme from Masterpiece Theatre} Ahhhh! I know what you kids want, ja! You want to talk to Mr Puppet-head! [In falsetto] Hello, kids! I'm Mr. Puppet-head! Tell me why you always make the jokes? [In normal voice] Why aren't you talking with Mr. Puppet-head? No, no, i-it-it's very easy, watch me, watch me: Ahem. Hello, Mr. Puppet-head, how are you? [In falsetto] I am fine, Dr. Scratchansniff. How are you? [In normal voice] I am fine, Mr. Puppet-head. Did you have a yummy breakfast? [In falsetto] Oh, yes, it's very yummy, thank you. How was your breakfast? [Normally] My breakfast was yummy as well. Now you see, isn't that easy? YAKKO: Um...are you sure you don't want to see a p-sychiatrist? DR. S.: I AM a p-syc -- I mean, psychiatrist! I am I am I am I am!!! YAKKO: Mr. Puppet-head's hungry. {Nobody knows the troubles I've seen} DR. S.: /After much research, I decided to meet with each Warner Brother individually. I would start with the Warner Brother sister, Dot./ Dot -- may I call you Dot? DOT: Yeah, but call me 'Dottie' and you die. {Theme from Pictures at an Exhibition} DR. S.: 'Dot' it is. Ahem. I'm going to show you some pictures, and I want you to tell me what they look like. What do you say to this? DOT: I'd say you're not a very good artist. DR. S.: I didn't draw that! DOT: Well, whoever did needs to go back to school. DR. S.: No, it's an inkblot! DOT: I'll say! DR. S.: No, no, no. It's not supposed to look like anything! DOT: Then you did a very good job. DR. S.: I didn't draw it!! Kh-hh! Doesn't it look like a little kitty-cat or a butterfly or something? DOT: No. That's a butterfly! {Dizzy song (Also known as Mendelssohn's Song without Words #6)} {I recognise the music, but I can't think of it's name...} DR. S.: Now then, Wakko, let's you and I talk, hmmm? WAKKO: Okay. DR. S.: Good. What's on your mind? WAKKO: My hat. DR. S.: No, no, no. Your hat is on your head. What is on your mind? WAKKO: My ... skin? DR. S.: No, that's on your head. What's on your *mind*? WAKKO: Oh, I got it -- my hair! DR. S.: Your hair is on your head. This is hair. This is hair. It is not on my mind, it is on my head!! WAKKO: No, it's in your hand! DR. S.: Let's try something different, okay? WAKKO: Okay. DR. S.: Why don't you just tell me what you're feeling? WAKKO: My shirt! DR. S.: No, that's what you are touching. What are you *feeling*? WAKKO: My nose? DR. S.: That's what you're touching! What are you FEELING? Just tell me how you feel. WAKKO: I feel fine! DR. S.: Good! Now we're geting somewhere. Um.Would you care to expand on that? WAKKO: Okay. {Over the Waves} DR. S.: Uhp, no, no, no. See no, no, no. Not that kind of expanding. Wou -- Stop it! WAKKO: 'Scuse me! ... Mmmmmmmmmm-WAHH! DR. S.: Nyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy-ghhh! {Warners' theme} DR. S.: Now then, Yakko, let us do a little word association. I'll say a word and you say any word that you think of, any word that comes to mind. YAKKO: Brain. DR. S.: No, no, no -- we haven't started. YAKKO: Begun. DR. S.: No, wait. YAKKO: Yield. DR. S.: No, stop! YAKKO: Cease. DR. S.: Silence! YAKKO: Quiet. DR. S.: ENOUGH!! YAKKO: Plenty. DR. S.: Would-you-please-listen? YAKKO: Hear. DR. S.: No, you stupid kid, you don't understand! YAKKO: Comprehend. DR. S.: NOWWWWGH!!! Get out, get out, GET OUT!! YAKKO: Leave, leave, leave. DR. S.: Ooh! Hoo! Those kids is driving me crazy! YAKKO: Insane, unhinged, demented! DR. S.: Eeeeeeeeeeee-Yoooowgh!! {Nobody knows the troubles I've seen} DR. S.: And this is how it's been. They's always driving me kooky in the kopf! And they're still not dezanitised. Am I crazy, doctor? YAKKO: [In psychiatrist-voice] You are suffering from acute Warneritis. DR. S.: AAAAAAAAAGGHHH!!! YAKKO: Was it something I said? THE MONKEY SONG --------------- Adapted by: TOM RUEGGER Directors: GARY HARTLE and RICH ARONS Animation: TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA LTD. >>> For the words to this, see that ever-nifty MRSKULLHEAD! NARR'R: And in this room, and in this verse, Are Dr. Scratchansniff and -- Y & W: Hellllllo Nurse! NARR'R: And three Goodfeathers who -- SQUIT: Stick together! PESTO: What do you mean by that? You think I'm sticky? You sayin' I'm some sort of gooey sticky-bun here for your breakfast enjoyment? Is that what you're sayin'? SQUIT: No, I'm just sayin'-- PESTO: That's it! Here's your sticky bun! SQUIT\_ [Together] C'mon, hey, c'mon! Knock it off! PESTO/ I got your sticky buns right here! Hey!! NARR'R: And Mindy and Buttons are snuggled in bed, Along with a fellow named Mr. Skullhead. And an old squirrel lady in cap and night-gown Sits in her rocker and says: SLAPPY: Hey pal, pipe down! NARR'R: Oh, oh, right, uh, well then,... Night-night room, nighty-night toons; Nighty-night log flume with the big baboon. Nighty-night dog, nighty-night cat. RUNT: I do smell a cat, but where's it at? That ryhmes, ah, that defintely rhymes! NARR'R: Night-night hippos. MAURITA:We're big-boned, not fat! NARR'R: Night-night big-headed laboratory rat! BRAIN: I'm not a rat! I'm a mouse! Oh, drat! PINKY: Oh! That rhymes too, Brain! (Ooh-ugh!) NARR'R: Nighty-night doctor, and Y & W: Good-byyye, Nurse!! NARR'R: Night-night pigeons, who constantly curse! PESTO\ Pastafazool! Fettucine alfredo! I've got yer sticky-buns! > [Together] Here's your sticky buns! SQUIT/ C'mon, whaddid I do, whaddid I do? Knock it off! C'mon, hey, c'mon! NARR'R: Nighty-night Buttons under the bed, Along with his friend, Mr. Skullhead. Nighty-night squirrel lady in night-gown and cap. SLAPPY: For cryin' out loud, will you button your yap? NARR'R: Night-night water-tower, night-night lot. Nighty-night Yakko, Wakko, and Dot. Nighty-night People everywhere! YAKKO: And nighty-night Wakko's underwear! CREDITS ======= Rob Paulsen.......as Yakko, Pinky Jess Harnell.............as Wakko Tress MacNeille............as Dot Frank Welker........as Ralph, CEO Maurice LaMarche.....as the Brain Chick Vennera............as Pesto Sherri Stoner...........as Slappy Jim Cummings..........as Narrator Animal Handler -- Kathryn Page ---------------------------- Goodbye, Nurse! (C) 1993 ---------------------------- ...... Return to top level POIT page.