[12 August 1994] A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM written by Deanna Oliver directed by Rusty Mills Voice: And now, the Warner Brothers in a scene from William Shakespeare's `A Midsummer Night's Dream', translated for those viewers who, like Yakko, have no idea what he's saying. Yakko: Hmph! (Dot, the translator, giggles.) Yakko: If we shadows have offended Think but this, and all is mended: Dot : "If the actors in our show made you mad, it'll be OK if you look at it this way:" Yakko: That you have but slumber'd here While these visions did appear, Dot : "You fell asleep on your butt and dreamed the whole thing." Yakko: And this weak and idle theme No more yielding but a dream. Dot : "There is a hole in the plot you could drive a truck through." (Wakko has been picking flowers in the b.g., and now has aroused some small pixies, who swat at his hand with a flyswatter. He reaches o.s. and produces a water hose, then proceeds to spray the pixies away.) Yakko: Gentiles, do not reprehend. Dot : "Honeys, don't blame us; you could be watching Oprah." Yakko: If you pardon, we remand. Dot : "But we're sorry, and we promise our next show will be full of funny skits." (Wakko has pulled at a flower once more, and found it to be part of the headdress of a large pixie. He falls in love.) Wakko: Hello, Pixie!!! (Wakko chases after the pixie.) Yakko: And, as I am an honest Puck, Dot : I'm not touching that one. Yakko: If we have unearned luck, Now, to 'scape the serpent's tongue Dot : What he said. Yakko: We will make amends ere long, Dot : "We'll buy you foot-long hot dogs!" Yakko: Else the Puck a liar call. So good night unto you all. Mwah! Dot : "Goodnight, everybody!" Yakko: Give me your hands if we be friends, Dot : "Applaud if you like us." (Wakko looks for the pixie but can't find her. She is approaching from behind menacingly. He turns at the last moment. She stares him down. He smiles and holds up the flowers he plucked. She produces a ridiculously large flyswatter and swats, but he jumps out of the way.) Yakko: And Robin shall restore amends. (Wakko jumps into Yakko's arms.) Dot : "And the Boy Wonder will save us." (The Batmobile drives up. The canopy slides forward and Robin stands to let the Warners in. The canopy slides shut and the car roars off as the pixie was about to swat it. She is sent spinning for a time.) Pixie: O, what fools these Warners be! HAMLET (no credits given) Voice: And now, the Warner Brothers in a scene from Shakespeare's `Hamlet', translated for those viewers who, like Yakko, have no idea what he's talking about. (Yakko gives a stern look, and Dot, the translator, giggles. In the b.g., Wakko has dug up Skullhead. Yakko sees this, rushes back and snatches him from Wakko, then returns to his previous position.) Yakko: Alas, poor Yorrick! Dot : "Whoa, check out Skullhead!" (Wakko digs up an odd lump of dirt which looks like it has antennae, and tosses it aside, o.s., away from the pile of dirt which has accumulated behind him.) Yakko: I knew him, Horatio -- a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. Dot : "He was funny." (Wakko digs up a mummy, which runs away.) Yakko: He hath bore me on his back a thousand times. Dot : "He gave me piggy-back rides." Yakko: And now, how abhorred in my imagination it is. My gorge rises at it. Dot : "I'm going to blow chunks." (Wakko pulls a squid out of the grave and tosses it o.s.) (Yakko kisses Skullhead. Dot looks away, a bit embarrassed.) (Wakko tosses a kitchen sink out of the grave.) Yakko: Here hung those lips I have kissed I know not how oft. (Wakko pulls a pink 1959 Cadillac DeVille convertible out of the grave, then pushes it o.s.) Dot : "We kissed a lot -- not!" Yakko: Where be your jibes now? your gambles? your songs? your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar? Dot : "How come you're not funny now?" (Wakko begins pulling a large rocket from the grave, but must stop to rest before he's through.) Yakko: Not one now to mock your own grinning... (Skullhead's jaw falls to the ground. In the b.g., the rocket launches.) Yakko: ...quite chop-fallen? Dot : "No one's laughing now, and, by the way, your lower jaw's missing." (Dot picks up the jaw from her interpreter's circle and hands it to Yakko.) (Wakko uses his shovel once more and lifts Cher out of the grave. She screams, bonks him on the head, and runs o.s. left. Yakko watches Cher run toward the hills.) Yakko: Now get you to my lady's chamber and tell her. Let her paint an inch thick. To this favour she must come. Make her laugh at that. (Yakko tosses Skullhead toward the hills. Skullhead runs after Cher.) Dot : "Follow that woman and tell her, no matter how much makeup she she wears, she's still going to croak and end up looking just like you, and see if she laughs." (In the b.g., Skullhead grabs Cher from behind. She punches him. Wakko motions for Yakko to come to the grave.) Yakko: Prithee, Horatio, tell me one thing: (Dot jumps out of her circle and joins them.) Dot : What'd you find in the hole? Wakko: Our next cartoon! MACBETH written by Deanna Oliver directed by Michael Gerard and Jon McClenahan Voice : And now, Dot Warner, Slappy Squirrel and Hello Nurse in the famous witches scene from William Shakespeare's `Macbeth', interpreted by Yakko for those viewers who, like Dot, Slappy and Hello Nurse, have no idea what they're saying. (Dot, Slappy and Nurse stop stirring their cauldron for a moment and blink. Then they resume.) DS&N : Double, double Toil and trouble Fire burn And cauldron bubble! Yakko : Loosely translated, that means "Aabra cadabara." Dot : Fillet of a fenny snake In the cauldron boil and bake! Yakko : "Let's cook a snake!" Start with my agent. (Wakko drops a man in a suit into the cauldron.) Dot : Eye of newt (Wakko drops hunting dog Newt...) And toe of frog, (Wakko drops Michigan J. Frog...) Wool of bat (Wakko drops Batman...) And tongue of dog. (Wakko drops Buttons...) Yakko : Sounds like camp food to me. Dot : For a charm of powerful trouble Like a hellbroth boil and bubble. Yakko : (yawn) "Stir until bored." Serves twelve, unless you're Rush Limbaugh; then it's an appetizer. DS&N : Double, double Toil and trouble Fire burn And cauldron bubble! Yakko : "Bippety boppety boo!" Here's another fun recipe: Slappy: Scale of dragon Tooth of wolf Witch's mummy Maw engulf. (Wakko drops a green dragon which is carrying Walter Wolf...) Yakko : Those are the ingredients of a hot dog! Slappy: Of the ravened salt-sea shark (Wakko drops a shark...) Root of hemlock... (Wakko comes dressed as a female cheerleader, with pom-poms.) Yakko : Go, Hemlock!!! Slappy: ...dig'd in the dark. Yakko : (singing) Dig'd in the dark is a gas Baby can ya dig it? DW&N : Double, double Toil and trouble Fire burn And cauldron bubble! Yakko : "Hocus pocus." When do we eat? (Flames shoot from the cauldron, then Yakko jumps out of the interpreter's circle.) Yakko : Hey, what'd we come up with? Hash? Dot : Corndog? Slappy: Fondue? (Everyone looks into the cauldron and gasps.) Dot : By the pricking of my thumbs Something scary this way comes! (More flames from the cauldron. When they subside, Jerry Lewis is standing on the edges of the cauldron. He sings.) Jerry : Oh, lady! I know a lady with high-heeled shoes And socks and panty hose Oh, pretty lady! (Dot whacks him over the head with a large wooden mallet. He falls into the depths of the cauldron with a scream. Slappy then drops in a stick of lighted dynamite. Dot drops in a large round bomb. Yakko puts a lid on the cauldron. Wakko runs a chain around it. Slappy affixes a lock. Everyone stands aside, backs turned, covering their ears. The cauldron blasts upward and through the roof of the cave.) Yakko : Aaaaah, let's send out for pizza. --- Send corrections to [email protected]